But,unfortunately,you can't change people. So,I intend to laugh off the tension w/this list and hopefully entertain others,who may have been in a similar situation,in the process.
YOU MIGHT BE A FUCKTARD IF....
1. You can't live down missing one church service even if you look like a walking corpse
2. The best way to relieve sexual frustration is shooting possums,squirrels,etc. out back
3. There are only two kinds of women in the world
4. You're convinced the inability to control female sexuality foreshadows anarchy
5. You're pissed off when South Park rips on Christianity and Jesus but are convinced it's okay for you to trash talk about religions like Buddhism,Taoism and Wicca.
6. You think your Jehovah deserves the utmost respect by others,yet you're permitted,as a Christian,to diss Odin,Thor,Zeus,Osiris,Shiva and Dagda.
7. You view neopagans,Buddhists,Shintoists,Hinduists,spiritualists,etc as ignorant,beneath you and going to hell when you know next-to-nothing about those religions... and have no desire to understand them.
8. You view Loki,Set,and Hades as equivalent to your religion's devil based on biased info spoon fed to you by your equally misinformed pastor.
9. You regard Hades,Persephone,Hel and underworld deities from other pantheons as evil based on the teachings of intolerant,patriarchal Christian doctrines (over 700 years old) by those hellbent on converting and bullying nonbelievers.
10. You think Catholics and Orthodox believers are idol worshipers
11. You're convinced that the Bible is a better authority on the law than the US Constitution
12. You whine that video games are corrupting America's youth but are quick to make excuses regarding the Bible's poisonous influence on the human race for centuries.
13. You judge three photos showing a similar scenario thru racist-colored glasses: Arab kid learning to shoot a gun w/Dad is pure evil. The one w/the black son and dad is gangsta,but the one w/the backwoods father and son is quality time.
14. You view Xmas as a time of giving and make donations to the less fortunate around that time. Then you behave like a Scrooge by complaining how your extra tax dollars are being wasted on those same people 340 days a year until the next Xmas rolls around. :-D
15. You preach to your teenage daughter(s) about the virtues of chastity while hypocritically advising them to save themselves for Jesus (and he refused to get laid).
16. You go on and on about how dumb,degenerate,and godless the younger generations are when,in fact,they're really more educated,less racist,less homophobic,use critical thinking and realize your generation is the one living in the Dark Ages :-D
17. Right-wing always constitutes what's right... despite evidence to the contrary
18. You point out the evil natures of Mao,Stalin,and Pol Pot and the antagonistic nature of Madelyn Murray O'Hare as you hammer home the fact they were atheists all the while dismissing the non-violent and/or generous dispositions of atheists like Richard Dawkins,Christopher Hitchens,Joaquin Phoenix and Daniel Radcliffe.
19. You presume playing Harry Potter is the main reason Daniel Radcliffe is an atheist (and the Bible hates sorcery).
20. You convince yourself and like-minded idiots that Radcliffe converted to atheism during or shortly after filming the first Harry Potter.
21. You bring up the fall of Rome by insisting the USA will go the same way if gay marriage is legal. However,you can't fathom why Canada,the Netherlands and the UK haven't collapsed by now.
22. The war on Xmas is twenty-five days but the war on Halloween is all year 'round.
23. It's okay to tell your co-workers to, "Go to hell" but not the other way around
24. Your reaction to Jehovah's/Yahweh's OT proclamation a man impregnate his widowed sister-in-law if her late husband produced no legitimate heir is "WTF?" but you have no problem banging yours while your brother is away for the weekend.
I have little doubt this list will be updated soon. Keep an eye out.
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